Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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