That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
