I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
