I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
