i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
