I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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