I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
be right there i have to get my cape
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
