i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
