If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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