To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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