I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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