Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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