He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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