Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
