you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
