Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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