she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
