dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you had me at cake vodka
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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