I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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