I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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