i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
