totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
