So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
