Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
NoShamevember. You game?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
