there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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