I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
