I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
