Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
