My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
