Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
