The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
