My liver just broke up with me...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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