Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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