Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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