You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
