I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I want is dick and wine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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