yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
