I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
