When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
