He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
