You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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