You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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