I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
