you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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