Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
