I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
