Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
