I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
