Did I show you my penis last night?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
