I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
