a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
